Waiting on the Bus

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Posts Tagged ‘Michael Jordan’

A look at the psyche of bandwagon Chicago sports fans Part 1

Posted by Steven on May 11, 2010

Bandwagons for Chicago sports teams are rare and when one of the city’s perpetual losers or mediocre franchises actually manages to get into the playoffs, fans that decide to get on the bandwagon do so with a sense of trepidation. They’ve been suckered into hopping on a bandwagon before only to be let down by the team of the moment. They may have a friend sitting with him on the bandwagon who is trying to convince him why this team has that special and often elusive combination that allows them to overcome any adversity they may encounter in the playoffs and win it all.

For every fact the optimistic bandwagoner throws at the skeptic, the skeptic can point out an example of a Chicago team that was supposed to go all the way but came out short: (The ’06 Bears, The ’84 Cubs, The ’89 Cubs, the ’92 Blackhawks etc) Clearly the Cubs have been the most glaring example of this through the years, but no Cubs collapse and bandwagon disaster was as demoralizing as the ’03 team’s near miss. In 2003 I’d been following the Cubs diligently since ’98 when I was 12 years old and up until that season I’d had to hear from White Sox fans and casual sports fans that the Cubs had fans with a weak understanding of the game and only showed up to Wrigley Field to watch Sammy Sosa hit homers during his juicing days. As I found out later, most of those people reside in the bleachers.

Once the Cubs won the division title suddenly those people that were neutral and usually enjoyed mocking the team decided to hop on the Cubs bandwagon. The wagon took off and soon the Cubs were leading the NLCS 3-1 against the Marlins, needing just 1 win against to reach the World series, but then they lost 3 straight just like the ’84 team did against San Diego and people couldn’t believe they’d been naive enough to think a Chicago team could win a championship. Outside of the Bulls 6 championships in the ’90s, no Chicago team has had a period of sustained success where they actually lived up to fan’s expectations. This is why Chicagoans hold on so dearly to one year wonder teams such as the ’05 White Sox and ’85 Bears. They’re desperate for a winner and don’t really care if they’ve been watching for years waiting for the team in question to turn into a contender.

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Understanding your underwear

Posted by Steven on May 17, 2005


The underwear industry has gotten very competitive lately. Companies like Hanes, Fruit of the Loom and Jockey all claim they can keep your ass covered better then the rest. Hanes has Michael Jordan, Fruit of the Loom has their FTL logo since nobody knows or cares what a loom is, and Jockey has—Comfort Zone radio commercials. These commercials feature ordinary people talking about what makes them feel comfortable. Things like fishing, driving at night, and the smell of fallen leaves in the fall. Topics that would bring any conversation with a human being to a grinding halt.

Sure these stories have some appeal because they have the power to make us stop and admire the simple things in our lives, like the way your dog looks before he craps all over your brand new carpet, or the way your IBS always flares up during an important business meeting, and some of the commercials are sentimental, but there’s just one problem with them: Jockey underwear aren’t even mentioned once during these stories! How can they expect to sell underwear if they don’t even mention them?! Make some idiot talk about their experiences with Jockey underwear!

“Hi my name is Rick Smaltz and I would have to say I feel comfortable when I put on a new pair of Jockey underwear. What I hate though is when I put on my pants and one of my balls slips out of my underwear. That sucks. Then I gotta walk around all day with the uncomfortable feeling of one of my nuts hanging out. I used to worry about it but it turns out it’s normal for a guy to have one testicle that’s a little bigger than the other one. My Vas Deferens told me that. It sends me messages all the time. In fact it told me to tell you guys—hey I’m not done talking! What do ya mean what I said was not ‘radio friendly?’ Look buddy why don’t you go take a hike up the Fuck You Mountain! Is that ‘radio friendly’ enough for ya?! ”

Now Jockey must probe the mind of someone who is actually employed.

“Well in my opinion Hi-C started to lose out to Capri Sun when they introduced the Boppin’ Berry flavor. When I was a kid I would drink that stuff daily. I wanted some other flavors but my mom said the last thing I needed was more sugar. The other kids at the lunch table made fun of me because I drank Hi-C. To them it was the equivalent of drinking sewer water. They were all Capri Sun attics. I just never understood the appeal of Capri Sun. I mean it was aggravating as hell just trying to get the straw into those ‘pouches’ let alone drink the stuff. I can’t believe they took the title of Juice King away from Hi-C. It was such a stupid concept—juice in a plastic bag. It just seems so wrong to me! Juice belongs in a box—not in a bag!

“I guess you could say I was behind the times when it came to ‘cool’ food and drink items, but I learned to deal with it. Look at me now. I’m the boss of a local Men’s Warehouse and people respect me. They know me as the 50 yr old guy who still eats Lunchables and drinks Hi-C Fruit Punch, and I am very secure about that.”

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